What Is Ghosting in Texting — And How To Respond To It (BONUS: The Final Text)

The guy you’ve been talking to has left you on read, or worse yet, he hasn’t seen your message in days?

You know that he’s been online, and you know he must have had the chance to at least say hi.

But no, not a word. Slowly, the realization sets in — you might have been talking to a ghost.

Ghosting can happen to anyone.

It’s easy to blame yourself when this happens to you, but remember — it takes two to tango, and you should never feel forced to dance alone when you don’t want to!

How to respond to ghosting? Are you asking yourself, “why did he ghost me” or “why won’t he text me”?

He may have left you hanging, but I won’t. Pour yourself a glass of wine and get ready, because I’m about to tell you all about ghosting.

What Is Ghosting?

If you’ve already experienced it, you know what it is — and if you haven’t, you’re one of the lucky ones.

Ghosting is one of the most annoying (and, let’s be real, hurtful) things that are likely to happen to any single gal in pursuit of love.

What’s even worse, especially in this day and age, is that online dating and texting make ghosting an everyday occurrence.

What is ghosting in texting, and what is ghosting in general?

Ghosting is what happens when someone you used to talk to or even meet up with suddenly stops responding to your messages.

If you’ve ever had a potential crush leave you hanging, you know how it feels.

You send him a message. At first, you assume he’s busy.

A few days pass, and you wonder if he’d gotten your message in the first place, so you try again.

A few more days of no response and you begin to worry something had happened to him.

But then, you see him tagged in a photo with a bunch of friends, or you notice that he’d updated his profile on the dating app you both used.

He is there, however, he stopped texting — that’s the very definition of the oh-so-dreaded ghosting.

What About Soft-Ghosting In Texting?

As if the good ol’ ghosting wasn’t enough, the internet also came up with “soft ghosting”.

What is soft-ghosting, you might ask? Soft-ghosting is just ghosting wrapped up in a friendlier, less abrupt bow.

Ghosting is often unexpected — one day, he stops replying, and that’s that. When it comes to soft-ghosting, it’s more of a fadeaway than a clean cut.

Imagine this: you used to talk a lot, but nowadays, he leaves a smiley face on your messages or replies with something that doesn’t add to the conversation.

You find yourself struggling for things to say because he never reacts in any way in particular. His responses are infrequent and disinterested.

If the last few messages you’ve gotten from him have all been things like:

While soft-ghosting doesn’t have the painful “what happened, where is he” dilemma, the gradual loss of interest is still not fun at all.

Why Do Men Ghost?

Whether you’ve been the ghoster or the ghostee, you may not know the exact reason why it actually happens.

Why exactly do people ghost? More specifically, why do men ghost?

What makes them suddenly cut all contact instead of simply talking about it, or at the very least leaving a short message to put an end to it?

If you consider that even long-term relationships sometimes end with ghosting, you might find the whole thing even crazier.

However, there are some proven psychological reasons for this unfortunate situation.

Some of the reasons why people may ghost others:

• They feel uncomfortable and don’t know how to say it
• Confusion — they don’t understand their own feelings
• They may be dealing with trauma from past relationships
• Playing the field — they may be talking to multiple people at once
• Not knowing what to say
• Forgetting to reply & feeling too awkward to get back to you later
• Not feeling it — they may not feel the chemistry
• Similarly, there may not be enough sexual chemistry for them to maintain interest
• Coming on too strong — sometimes one side is too into the other & it may feel suffocating
• Another relationship — a massive red flag: they might already have a partner & they’re just playing around
• Because they can — online dating makes ghosting easier than ever

Don’t treat this as a fully comprehensive list. There are as many reasons as there are people, and if he stopped texting, you may — unfortunately — never find out why.

Why Is Ghosting So Common Online?

If you’re a fan of Pride & Prejudice or other famous romances, you might be thinking: what has changed?

Indeed, Elizabeth Bennet never had to deal with the dreamboat Mr. Darcy ignoring her out of nowhere.

Why is ghosting more of a thing now than it ever was before? It’s simple — ignoring someone on the internet is almost too easy to do.

Online dating is often fairly anonymous.

You meet someone you have zero mutual friends with, so the consequence of them (or you) going dark is slim to none.

It’s not like you’ll be able to find his coworkers or his mom and ask them what happened.

As there are no repercussions, people have developed a tendency to check out of any relationship that doesn’t fit their exact expectations.

Back in the 00s, we mourned the introduction of breakups through text. These days, we have to deal with breakups through radio silence.

Am I Being Ghosted?

A lot of times, ghosting is preceded by soft-ghosting. Dark clouds may form on the horizon for you & your love interest long before he pulls the trigger and puts an end to your relationship.

It’s never easy to tell if he’s just in a bad mood or he’s mentally checked out of the conversation, though.

Instead of asking yourself “why won’t he text me, am I being ghosted?” over and over again, check out some of the warning signs that your instincts might be right & he’s about to ghost you.

1. He’s Distant

Of course, everyone has a different “voice” when they’re texting.

Some people write elaborate & lengthy texts, while others reply with a couple of words at a time.

Whether your guy is usually a Chatty Cathy or the silent type, you’ll be able to tell when his vibe is just off.

He may seem disinterested, distant, and nowhere near as flirty as before.

That’s your first warning sign that you might be getting ghosted.

2. He Doesn’t Initiate Contact.

When all of your conversations have to be started by you and never by him, it could be that he doesn’t care much.

It’s okay for the balance to not be a perfect 50/50, but when the ratio is closer to 90/10, it’s definitely not a good thing.

3. He Bails On Your Plans

Whether you used to go out to the movies or cook dinner together, or you’re still at the “just online” stage, you’ve probably made plans more than once.

He used to make plans with you & followed through?

Now, all of a sudden he’s gone through unexpected overtime, car troubles, a friend in need of help, and a few other things all in one week?

Yup, something is probably up.

4. He Ignores Your Questions & Concerns

After the fourth failed attempt at making conversation, you might ask him outright — what’s the matter?

If he’s making excuses or shifting the blame to you, he might already have one foot out the door.

Similarly, if he conveniently only responds to questions that aren’t that important, he may be scared of telling you the truth.

5. He Used to Be Really Into You

You were off to a great start — a real connection between two souls with physical chemistry to match.

The relationship quickly escalated past cute little emojis into the hot and heavy area.

You both spoke of your feelings openly, and you talked non-stop… until one day, HE stopped.

If his behaviour had taken a 180-degree turn and he’s suddenly borderline cold, he may be about to pull a ghost on you. Some people are after the thrill of the chase, and he might be one of them.

So How To Respond To Ghosting?

We hear a variation of “why did he ghost me” or “why do I keep getting ghosted” so often, we’re truly aware of the scale of the problem. Knowing how to respond to ghosting isn’t easy.

While your initial reaction might be to flood him with hundreds of texts each describing either how much you hate him or love him, you should hold off on those.

First of all — I get it. Ghosting is incredibly painful. You may feel hurt, betrayed, or heartbroken. Your self-esteem might have suffered a massive hit.

It’s okay to allow yourself to feel those things. You trusted someone, and they failed you — that’s bound to hurt.

Take a deep breath.

Pour yourself another glass of wine (but not too much — drunk texting is a no-go). Call your girlfriend or your go-to emotional support & vent as much as you need to.

Then, close down your texting app, and check out our ghosting guide and the final text you can send to your ghost for some closure.

1. Don’t Blame Yourself

Don’t go over your interactions in your head and keep asking yourself what went wrong. Chances are the ghosting is NOT your fault.

Most emotionally mature men will tell you when they don’t want to continue the relationship, even if there were issues (including those on your end).

If he doesn’t have the basic decency to send you a quick message, it’s not your fault.

2. Explore Your Emotions

You’ve known him for a short time before he went AWOL, and yet, you feel as if your heart is breaking into a thousand little pieces?

Give yourself a moment to explore your feelings, and you’ll find that you’re hurting for other reasons.

The sudden change, interruption, and disappointment are what stings the most when you get ghosted.

Most of the time, you will not have developed such a deep connection with the guy to feel as hurt as you do right now.

However, if you were deeply in love with him, it’s okay to acknowledge that. You’re allowed to feel whatever you feel — that’s the most important part of it all.

3. Take Care of Yourself

Ghosting is essentially a breakup if your relationship has progressed to that point.

You should catch up on some much-needed TLC, and we don’t mean the reality tv station (unless that’s what you feel like doing).

Make sure you’re sleeping, eating, and spending some extra time on self-care. A face mask, a mani-pedi, or a night out with your girlfriends might be just the thing to help you smile again.

4. Get Back Out There

Not every guy in the world is going to ghost you — that’s a fact. Once you feel ready, get back out there and look for someone new.

You’ve met Mr. Wrong, and he’s gone from your life now, so there’s no point of holding yourself back from meeting your potential Mr. Right.

How To Respond To A Guy That Ghosted You?

If you’ve sent him several messages and none of them produced a reply, most likely, he will never get back to you again.

It’s okay, at this point, to simply delete his number(and his social media) and not send him any further messages.

Some of us may still long for closure, though, and if that’s you, you can send him one final message.

However, one piece of advice: don’t send this message on an impulse.

Re-read it, sleep on it, let it sit in your drafts for a while, and only send it when you genuinely feel it’s going to help you move on.

Don’t be disrespectful or rude, even if he deserves it. You’re better than that, and you should show that to him in the parting message that he didn’t have the courtesy to send you.

BONUS: The Final Text Template

Here’s an example of a great final text you can send to your ghost to get some closure and make things less awkward if you ever run into them:

Hey [name], I tried to contact you several times, but I haven’t heard from you in a long while. I’m assuming this means that we’re not going to be in touch any further. I wish you would have simply told me so, as I would have understood and I wouldn’t be left to wonder. Nevertheless, take care, and I will be deleting your number.

This Is Not the End

It doesn’t get more cliche than “there are plenty more fish in the sea”, but it’s so very accurate.

Dating apps are full of people waiting to meet others, and you’re not limited to online dating only, so your pool of choices is brimming with possibilities.

If you’ve been recently ghosted, remember one thing: this is not the end. No matter how unique that connection may have felt, if it were that special, it would have lasted. Allow yourself the time to get over him, but once you feel better, don’t be afraid to look for someone better. That person might be waiting just around the corner!

Try This Texting Inspiration With Your Man Tonight!

Texting doesn’t come naturally to many of us. I’ve got you covered with text message templates that are proven to work on any man. You can use these texts right away and they’ll make him jump to message you back.

He’ll be thinking about you all day long!

Originally published at https://loveiscare.com on October 13, 2020.